I have these strange fantasies to commit hara-kiri, i think it’s becoz of the whole process and reasons why the samurai did it. I feel such great shame and feel so worthless that i can’t keep carrying around so much guilt and hurt.
I have become kinda obsessed with the samurai and there way of thinking. I have a few japanese samurai fims and books. The whole way of thinking about death and honour fascinates me. I really want a Wakazashi (shortened samurai sword) the one they used to use in the act. I don’t have the money for one, I have read alot about the process, actually called (seppuku), i know it sounds absolutely crazy and extremely painful. But i can’t stop envisaging myself doing it.
No one to assist me, i know i’m not in a good state of mind, but i wouldn’t wanna lose my head. I wouldn’t do that part.
Kelly, i think it’s kinda hard for dead people to laugh. I don’t think i’d end up a vegatable coz all the vital organs would be sliced up and my guts would spill out. I’d probably break down before doing it anyway and realize how stupid i am being
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i can understand how you feel. i am currently taking a Social Work class, “Death and Dying.” i certainly makes you thing about your own mortality. i am constantly thing ablout death and wathcing movies about people dying of cancer and parents mourning of their childet open casket…..anyway
personally i think that you might be spanding way too mcuh time on this. immersing your self inthis of cource makes you thing about it even more and when you understand the culture of the samurai….you cant stop thinging on them.
staop away from the Japanese culture books for a week or so and your obsession should stop if not please go seek the help of a mental health professional….
Do you have anyone willing to assist you? Honestly get help.
I am curious about death too. I wonder what it is like to be dead. I know it’s not healthy. I would never do this on purpose and I hope you will not either.
I do the same with seppuku! I just think it and wow, death and gore are natrually attracting to humans though I think
What if you missed killing yourself and just end up living on trapped inside a mutilated vegitable body. Your brain is alive, but your body is dead and nobody knows it. I would rather live imperfectly, than attempt any kind of ******* and have it turn out imperfectly. That would be a really sucky thing to have to live with. You would be the laughing stock of all the other samurai’s. Of course, they were dieing to defend life and liberty for their country. Instead of sitting around fantasising, why no live a live for others and get over yourself? You might just find you have a life worth living to it’s fullest and not at all worth making a fatal mistake with.